Guidance

THE MUSTAHABBAT (desirables) OF NIKKAH (marriage):

When a man or a woman intend to marry and before making the proposal, they should find out each other’s background and habits as far as reasonably possible. If they do not and discover later something disagreeable in their partner then it may create unpleasantness in their married life.

The proposal should be forwarded by contacting the parents of the woman or someone who would extend the proposal on your behalf.

When a person is intending to get married the preference should be given to piety, rather than restricting it to wealth and beauty.

• Abu Huraira (radiyallahu anhu) reports that Rasulullah (Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has said:

“Women are generally married for four reasons – her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her piety. Seek for a pious wife and you would be successful. (Mishkaat)

• In the Hadeeth of Tirmizi, Nabi (Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has encouraged the Sahabah to see the woman prior to proposing to her for marriage.

• Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah:

The Prophet (s.a.w) said: When one of you asks a woman for marriage, if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry her, he should do so. He (Jabir) said: I asked a woman for marriage, I used to look at her secretly, until I looked at what induced me to marry her. I, therefore, married her. (Sunan Abi Dawud 2082)
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• Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) reported:

I was in the company of Allah’s Messenger (s.a.w) when there came a man and informed him that he had contracted to marry a woman of the Ansar. Thereupon Allah’s Messenger (s.a.w) said: Did you cast a glance at her? He said: No. He said: Go and cast a glance at her, for there is something in the eyes of the Ansar women. (Sahih Muslim 1424) ‏

• It was narrated that Al-Mughirah bin Shu’bah said:

“I proposed marriage to a woman during the time of the Messenger of Allah, and the Prophet (s.a.w) said: ‘Have you seen her?’ I said: ‘No.’ He said: ‘Look at her, for that is more likely to create love between you.'” (Sunan al Nasa’i 3235).

As for the limits of seeing each other, there is not too much discussion when it comes to a woman looking at a man where there is no fear of Fitna. This is because the man’s ʿAwrah is from his navel to knee.

When it comes to a man looking at a woman he is considering marrying, then all four schools of jurisprudence permit looking at her face and the hands.

If both of them differ regarding the limits of such interaction, then it will not be permissible for anyone to force one or the other to do something they are not comfortable doing.

It is only permitted to talk to someone of the opposite sex who is unrelated if it is done within the limits of dignity and propriety–within limits of legitimate need or benefit.

• The Qur’an also gives us details on how to interact with each other. For example,

“Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: And Allah is well acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers…” [Al-Nour, 24: 30-31]

• Finally, here is an example of a pious young woman:

“Afterwards one of the (damsels) came (back) to him, walking bashfully. She said: “My father invites you that he may reward you for having watered (our flocks) for us…” [Al-Qasas, 28: 25]

The Qur’an commentaries note that the young woman approaches Prophet Musa (peace be upon him) to make her request. However, she does so shyly. She speaks directly and courteously.

• There are also hadiths on gender interaction, one of the most serious of which is:

“When a man and woman are alone together, Satan is the third.” [Tirmidhi]

 • Ibn Abbas (Allah be pleased with them) reported:

I heard Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) delivering a sermon and making this observation: “No person should be alone with a woman except when there is a mahram with her, and the woman should not undertake a journey except with a mahram…” [Sahih Muslim, Book 7, Number 3110].

Nowadays, it has become a trend when a man goes to see a woman the parents allow them to communicate with each other and sit in seclusion.

The ruling of Islam is, if the Nikkah has not been performed, both remain strangers to each other. Such a practice is against the pure teachings of the Shariah.

It is unlawful for a man and woman to be in seclusion with one another. They should always meet in the presence of a Mahram (unmarriageable male relative such as the father, brother, grandfather or uncle).

If meeting in close proximity of such a Mahram would be awkward then meeting in a way where the Mahram can still see them meeting but not hear the conversation would be advised.

For example, sitting in a room that has a glass door with the door closed and the Mahram would sit on the other side.

If there is no male Mahram, then they must at least ensure the meeting does not take place in seclusion, for example, by meeting in the presence of her mother.

If none of these people are available, then they can appoint an upright male member of the community to deal with proceedings.

As far as the number of times they can meet is concerned, there is no fixed number mentioned in our shariʿah but they can see each other until the purpose is achieved.

The guidelines above must be observed and once the purpose is achieved, they must not remain in direct contact with each other in any way or form as they are still Ghayr Mahram to one another until the Nikkah.

If a need arises, they may get in touch through their Wali (guardian). It is highly recommended not to delay the Nikkah unnecessarily as this can lead to a greater chance of an impermissible relationship forming before marriage.

They should refrain from staying in contact with each other until the Nikkah. What may start out as an innocent conversation can easily turn into something more.

The temptation for prospective couples to engage in romantic conversations is heightened by the mere fact there is no supervision.

As far as meeting up in public places is concerned, this should be avoided. They must avoid seeing each other or going out socially as this gives the appearance of dating. Otherwise, there is a risk of negative assumptions and gossip spreading in the community regarding the couple.

Once a suitable marriage partner is found, the Nikkah should be performed as soon as possible, without any undue delay.

• Rasulullah (Salallahu Alaihi Wasallam) mentioned to Ali (radiyallahu anhu):

“O Ali! Do not delay in three things – (1) Salaah when the time approaches, (2) Janaazah once the body is ready and (3) an un-married woman (to perform the Nikkah) when her match is found” (Tirmizi vol.1 pg 43).

The IMAAM & THE WITNESSES:

The Nikkah should be conducted by a Pious and Righteous man. The chosen witnesses should be Just and God fearing, must be adults and at least one from either side.

PRONOUNCE – NIKKAH:

It is Mustahab (desirable) to announce the marriage to the people. The Nikkah should be conducted in public, in the presence of relatives and friends from both sides.

The Nikkah should NOT be performed in secrecy, but rather it should be announced and conducted preferably in the Masjid.

After the marriage is consummated, it is Sunnah to have a Walima (i.e. to feed the people in the community).

The Nikkah ceremony should be kept as simple as possible. There should not be any extravagance.

It should be borne in mind when having such functions that it should be held according to the financial ability of the individual. No unnecessary debts or loans should be undertaken. The weak and needy people should not be exempted from attending such ceremonies which might make it appear exclusive for the affluent.